I Came Just As Soon As I Heard - Martin Short.mp3

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I Came Just As Soon As I Heard - Martin Short

[00:01.180]Doctor Kravitz...

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[00:01.180]Doctor Kravitz, you have a visitor in the main lobby.
[00:04.846]Doctor Kravitz, a visitor in the main lobby,
[00:07.322]You know Mr Short.
[00:08.828]They say people can still hear when they get into a coma.
[00:13.847]I gotta tell you, I'm not just your nurse.
[00:16.357]I was there in the theater
[00:18.158]when that damn lightning came down and fried your ass.
[00:23.047]Oh my god. It is true.
[00:25.557]Look Mr Short, it's Jiminy Glick.
[00:27.814]Isn't this tragic? And I'm not even a fan.
[00:31.579]I came just as soon as I heard,
[00:35.101]a celebrity wreck had occurred.
[00:38.651]Now, normally, when I hear those words, I let out quite a squeal
[00:41.629]for it must mean that Billy Joel is back behind the wheel,
[00:44.891]but lightning in a theatre, it seems a bit absurd.
[00:48.153]So I came, just as soon as I heard.
[00:55.684]He smells grotesque, like a possum blew up,
[00:58.696]Hey watch it bubble gut.
[01:00.452]Coma folk can hear every word you say.
[01:02.962]Oh, that's so true.
[01:04.719]Nurse, I remember that one Robert De Niro film
[01:06.977]where he’s in a coma and Melanie Griffith turns to him and says,
[01:10.240]do these jeans make my lips look big?
[01:13.252]What are you doing now?
[01:14.255]It's time for his sponge bath.
[01:16.513]I gotta wash him all over, especially his down-there hair
[01:20.278]which can get so nappy went unattended,
[01:23.290]particularly on a Canadian.
[01:25.046]Tell me about it. I used to room with Mike Myers.
[01:28.308]But nurse, look at him lying there.
[01:31.319]He looks so damn boyish
[01:32.574]at first I thought he was k. d. lang.
[01:35.084]Let me ask you something nurse.
[01:36.590]if Lincoln were alive today, would he be pleased with his tunnel?
[01:41.359]-We’re losing him, we’re losing him -Oh my goodness.
[01:44.370]Life support is beeping. Sounds like a red alert,
[01:47.381]Reminds me of the time | had hors d’oeuvers with William Hurt
[01:50.895]I left just as soon as I could.
[01:52.652]-We’re losing him, we’re losing him
[01:54.158]I go if the going ain't good.
[01:55.915]-I need help here
[01:57.421]Let's split the scene and find out where the pills are all stored -Staff
[02:00.434]-We’ll visit Cher in the plastic surgery ward, -Help!
[02:03.700]We’ll gather all the skin she left and make a little man
[02:06.966]and we’ll leave just as soon as we can.
[02:17.757]we've lost ‘im. Martin Short is dead.

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I Came Just As Soon As I Heard - Martin Short.mp3

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